Words of Wisdom

5 things to do that could be called "Words of Wisdom" by an old person. Whatever.

1. Do not put sparkly nail polish on your turtle.
2. If you ever get threatened by a serial killer:
    a. If your life sucks, be glad it's going to be over soon.
    b. If life has treated you well up to this point, just be glad that before this point your life hasn't been that bad.
3. If said serial killer is in a house you walk in, don't yell, "Anyone here? Hello???" It's not like the killer's gonna say, "Yeah, I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?" That's a stupid mistake you only make once.
4. Don't cry over spilled milk. Just cry over the fact that it's past its due date and all over you.
5. What to do when life gives you lemons: Get mad and wonder why life gave you such useless items and squeeze those lemons back into life's eyes.